There is really nothing I hate more, than for my babe to be sick. He hasn't felt "great" for about a week, but on Wednesday he called and was feeling much worse. As much as I hate hospitals and would love to run and hide when I am told we have to go, I made a promise to stick by Robert's side NO MATTER WHAT and I do not break promises!!
I was at work and he said that he didn't feel safe driving, so he waited for me to come home. By the time we got there, he was was experiencing tachycardia (extremely low blood pressure) and had a 102.9 fever. It took over 40 minutes to get an IV started, using an ultrasound. Once he received fluids, his vitals started to improve, but he was admitted. He is expected to be there until at least Monday, and a nose swab tested positive for the flu. Robert is supposed to fly out to Texas on Wednesday, so I am praying he recovers and can come home for a day before he has to leave again for a week.
And that there, is my life. A balance of work, with Dr. visits, drowning in house work that sits undone, and complete EXHAUSTION! I am so tired and I don't see myself getting any rest, any time in the near future.
I have been brainstorming ideas on how to make our classroom flow more easily and how to get out church to grow and get more community involvement and try to plan a semi-decent wedding and I am GO GO GO...
I am just so thankful for my friends. They are the only things keeping me semi-sane right now and motivating me to just keep going when all I really want to do is curl up in a call and cry. I actually managed to get to gym this week! Not five days like my friends, but I am still trying. I may not be winning, but I am still trying and that has to count for something, right?
I know that we all have our own struggles and if they are still moving, then so am I and that is a promise!!
"Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Hope for tomorrow."
"Never place a period, where God only meant to place a comma!"
On our last trip to MD Anderson, I found a great little book with lots of advice and meaning in the small gift shop. It is written by Vickie Gerard and is entitled "There's no place like Hope."
The author, a Stage 4 breast cancer survivor and counselor, puts a little humor and encouragement into her writing to help bring a sense of togetherness and knowing that you are not alone in this fight against this terrible disease. I know that this is true, but sometimes you just need to hear it. As a caregiver for someone with cancer, there are a lot of things that you just feel like no one understands, like why you can't make plans, or why plans change. Even close family members who you would think should understand, just don't.
I have to take a minute and say that I am so thankful for a great group of women that I am able to call my friends who do love and support me while going through all of this medical chaos with Robert.
Shout out to Katy, Kelly, Kiera & Tia!! Love you all & thanks for having my back!!
Well, we have been go, go, go for the past few days, but I finally squeezed in a minute to post.
The highlight of our Texas trip came when we arrived at the car rental place to get our usual Ford Focus. When we arrived, we were told that there were absolutely no cars in the lot, and more than ten people ahead of us already waiting for their car.
We weren't in a huge rush, so we waited patiently and made small talk with the employees. (There were a few business men behind us in line that WERE NOT being very patient or nice.)
When it came our turn for a car, they pulled around two cars, a Ford Mustang and a Nissan. Robert laughed and told the lady working there, "there's our car babe," joking, but the employee told us to enjoy it!! Robert loved it and is now talking about getting one "someday."
AND THEN CAME SOME NOT SO GREAT NEWS:
The scans came back showing little to no response to the treatment this month. Although there wasn't progression, Dr Janku doesn't feel like it is the best treatment option that will get him to a transplant.
So, what does that mean?!
Time to start over with a new clinical trial. This next one will be given intravenously instead of orally and it will be a 3 hour infusion WEEKLY, meaning that Robert will become a frequent flyer. The good news, is that it is completely funded by the pharmaceutical company, including travel reimbursement.
When I look back, I think God gave us an opportunity to have a carefree day, with the top down and sun on our faces. We drove around town and went out to dinner at Los CuCu's Mexican Cantina. It was a great day together and I don't think Robert's smile could have gotten any bigger.
I am starting this blog as a way to express myself and think out loud. I have been meaning to start a blog or some sort of journal for a while and I have just put it off, but no more! I am over making up excuses as to why I haven't done it yet.
I knew years ago when I pursued a relationship with (my now fiance) Robert that it was NOT going to be easy. Robert had been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in the summer of 2007 and it's been an ongoing battle ever since. We have been on a roller coaster of sorts for almost three years now, but there is no where else I would rather be.
We have been from the University of Michigan Cancer Center, to Karmanos, OSU and back again. Right now, we are traveling to Texas every four weeks to Houston's MD Anderson.
Today is a PET scan day and the anxiety has returned. All we can do is pray and know that God is in control.
